WHAT HAVE WE TO FEAR?

Kris Anne Swartley

I am not a gymnast, nor am I a circus performer. Yet as a youth minister, I often found myself trying to walk a tightrope of sorts. On one side of me were parents of church teens, warning me of the risks of mixing "community" youth with "church" youth. On the other side were visionaries and leaders who were invested and energized by our outreach ideas, encouraging me to expand our programs.

I could see myself perched warily on the balance beam, looking at one side and then the other, afraid to make any move. I was afraid to choose between the two, afraid to make a decision.

As a leader, fear was often my biggest obstacle. I felt it was my responsibility to listen to all sides of an issue and somehow help us come to a decision, but that responsibility felt like quite a heavy weight on my shoulders. What if I made the wrong decision? What if I failed to fulfill my calling in youth ministry? What if God were disappointed in my ministry? What if someone got hurt because of my poor decision-making?

In my four years of ministry, I don’t know that I ever fully resolved my struggle with fear. However, I was able to take some risks and experience both success and failure. I believe God was working in both.

Life after youth ministry has not brought me freedom from my struggle with fear. In my new job, which is in the social work field, I have many coworkers who do not share my faith. I feel as though I’m walking a tightrope in these relationships, also.

As I get to know my peers, I sense the differences between us, and I wonder if they can sense it too. I want to share who I am with them, but I also do not want to build walls between us because our values are different. I am afraid that if I speak too strongly or too quickly, I will break the tentative trust we have between us.

I am also afraid I am not brave enough to speak the truth. When am I called to simply listen and show that I care, and when am I called to stand for my beliefs even if it makes me unpopular?

Fear is a powerful thing. It can bind us up so tightly that instead of living out of love, out of grace, out of our faith in Jesus, we end up paralyzed. We end up doing nothing when we are presented with an opportunity to do a very great "something" and impact someone’s life.

As Christians we believe that God is present and at work in all of life. The stories of God’s people in the Bible are filled with successes and failures, risks taken and not taken. Yet God is faithful to fulfill his purposes anyway, sometimes through human beings and sometimes despite them. God was at work before Abraham and Sarah. He was at work in biblical history, in ancient church history, in colonial times, in the premodern era, in the modern era, and even now in the postmodern era. The changes in the world and in our society can send us into a panic and paralyze us with fear, but God is still at work.

I think the answer to overcoming our fear lies in the wisdom and power of the Holy Spirit. There is no formula or 10-step program that will give us the answer to how to build relationships with people who are not believers yet, or with teens struggling with their identity in Christ. Every relationship is different; every group of people is different. But the more we are in tune with the Holy Spirit inside us, the more we will be open to how he is leading us to respond in each moment.

Instead of listening to the fear—fear of failure, fear of change, fear of the unknown—we can listen to God’s quiet voice calling us forward into new relationships and adventures. We can trust him to push us out of our comfort zones when we need to be pushed, and to call us back when we are going too fast or too far.

Isn’t that the mystery and the grace of God, that he uses us even when we are confused, uncertain, and lost? Even as we fumble around, wondering what to do and what to say, he is working to redeem people everywhere. As we make mistakes, God’s grace is there to bring something good out of our folly. So with God working all around us and within us, what have we to fear?

—Kris Anne Swartley, Souderton, Pennsylvania, is a musician, amateur actress, and aspiring freelance writer. She is currently working in the Wrap Around Department at Penn Foundation, Inc., after serving in youth ministry for four years.