TRANSFORMATION
From Abuse to Advent

Jonathan Beachy

In autumn of 2006, former Congressman Mark Foley and Charles Roberts, killer of the Amish girls at Nickle Mines, Pennsylvania, shared secrets . . . secrets that statistically are not unknown to many of us. Even the Amish, who because of Roberts’ atrocities were thrust into the public eye and rightfully admired, are not exempt from being victims or perpetrators of sexual abuse.

The consequences, as demonstrated by these two men, are mirrored over and over in the stories heard by those of us who try to make sense of the horror that too often follows later in the lives of such persons.

In my poem, "The Stench" (DreamSeeker Magazine, Spring 2007), I screamed out against the winds of denial, winds that wreck havoc on those within their reach."But even as I scream, in the midst of rage and / Pain, comes the awareness that manure / Is redeemable, useful to me and others," I observed that the stench is not partial to persons of one culture or social standing, or limited to the lowly, or that academically elite persons are exempt.

Finding sufficient healing for transformation to take place, to carry that message to the manure-spreading farmer I introduced in the poem, is hard but also essential if one is to avoid the consequences of internal death or death acted out against others.

Both religious and social scholars use the term demons to describe the torment that affected Roberts, but reining them in is no easy task, nor is there a quick and effective panacea. As Anabaptist dream-seekers we can and must find, in our roots and branches, the road to transformation.

When I first came to recognize fully, as an adult, the consequences of sexual abuse that occurred late in my childhood, the power of confession of my powerlessness and need for trusted others in my community of faith became paramount. Ongoing accountability to control the demons that still lurked within was and is crucial. Realizing that no exorcism would forever free me, but that I needed to be part of a healing community so that I too could offer healing when I experienced adequate restoration, was truly freeing.

Metamorphosing, moving from abuse to the anticipation of arrival, an advent, in my personal life, is incomplete and will be until my final transformation. But that anticipation provides hope, courage, and desire to allow others to find the road to transformation also.

If you have been either a victim or a victimizer, you must know that there is hope, that restoration and transformation is possible. Don’t wait until the demons within destroy you or others. Don’t settle for a quick fix or a band-aid for a wound that is deep and possibly crusted over.

God help all of us truly to become a community of hope, of love, and of forgiveness that reaches out to transform, to restore, and to heal.

—Starting in 2005, Jonathan Beachy has lived in San Antonio, Texas. For most of his professional life as a registered nurse, he has been privileged to accompany persons misunderstood and rejected by the society that envelopes them.