Enroute to an annual extended family gathering in rural New York and to glimpse a quest for the wizard though we didn’t yet know it, we listened to a nationally broadcast funeral service. We digested an update from friends confronting the prospect that one of them might be gone in the coming year. As we left the warmth of the reunion, we wondered whether next time the circle would be unbroken.
After those hours with portents of death mixed with hints of new life, we headed home. Knowing what vulnerable souls need, Joan said, “Now: I want you to be ready to stop if we see an ice cream place.”
Okay. So we turn the corner in small-town New York. There it is: an ice cream place of nearly legendary size and style. It looks like the prototype for any of the best ice cream stands in the world.
We stop. We use the restrooms. We order our ice cream. I ask for small. It comes with one medium-sized scoop. Just right. Our server interrupts herself as she’s handing it over: “Oh, you ordered small. That’s another scoop.” Off she goes to return with the small: a tower of ice cream on a sugar cone.
I take it to the table. I eat fast. Ice cream starts melting and running. Disaster looms. I go back to ask if I might also have a cup and spoon.
I return to the table. The woman at the next table with her partner laughs and says, “Oh, I should have done that!” We chat as we savor our cones, trading this and that detail of where we’re headed.
Joan and I settle back into our own conversation while admiring a deep red-maroon tricycle motorcycle parked not too far from their table. Eventually they get up. Now we see that they’re in motorcycle garb. Plenty of leather in jackets and leggings.
We’re surprised. I think we would be on the old side for motorcycling. They, based on skin and hair and wrinkles even more leathery and white and plentiful than ours, appear to be a decade or two older.
She chuckles at our surprise. “We have to live this life while we have it,” she assures us. “We’re in our late 70s. This life’s all we have. Or at least if there’s more we don’t know what it is.”
He hadn’t had much to say up to that point. Now he comes past our table to throw some trash in the basket. He gives us what seems a sly, cheerful look. In an accent that sounds vaguely British we hear “We’re off to see the wizard.”
Back to the cycle he goes. They putter around doing whatever it is you do to get ready to start the engine and head off. We watch with admiration, awe, and maybe a hint of envy. We’re old enough that we’re paying attention to models of aging. We like this model. We tell each other to learn from it.
Abruptly she pulls away from the cycle while he tugs at this and that. She heads back to our table. She leans in. In a near-whisper she reports, “He’s starting to experience Alzheimer’s. We’re out on the motorcycle today for the first time in a long time. He’s been afraid to ride. He’s been afraid he’s forgetting how to do it.
“I told him the only way we’ll keep riding is if we keep doing it. So I ordered him, ‘We’re getting on that motorcycle, and if you won’t do it then you’ll have to ride in back and be my b–ch.'”
Back she goes while he keeps working at remembering what does what and how to start the motor. He thinks the battery’s dead but, she points out, the lights are on.
We feel caught between rooting them on and not wanting to intrude on what seems a sacred and private moment. Eventually we go back to the restroom again to give them space and hope when we get back they’ll be edging out and we can give them a thumbs-up.
They’re gone. We feel pangs as we think how much lies ahead for them. How happy we are that they have managed to pull back onto the highway. What a privilege it has been to glimpse, there with the magic of ice cream, these two modeling for us how to navigate portents of death and still head off to see the wizard.
—Michael A. King is publisher and president, Cascadia Publishing House LLC. He writes the column “Unseen Hands” for Mennonite World Review
That is all too true, Hoyt. The brief experience of the motorcyling was so moving and inspiring, yet how correct you are that there is so much, including cruel realities, to navigate ahead.
Beautiful! Gave me chills and a number of reminders: age is just a number, live life to its fullest, appreciate what you have while you have it; if something gives you joy and a good quality of life do it and then keep doing it! Plus Alzheimer’s sucks more than words can say! Love you my cousins!! (So…when will the tri-wheel motorcycle be arriving?!?!❤️)
Cousin Cheryl, thanks for the lovely comments. And the sobering ones regarding Alzheimer’s. I’ve heard from several supporters of loved ones with Alzheimer’s who underscore how painful the journey can be. I’ll keep you posted on the tri-wheel!
Thank you for reminding me that we at age, 85 and 82 “went to see the wizard.” in 2017 before Titus left this world. It was a summer of traveling in Canada, Minnesota and Boston, to be with family. The Wizard was with me. I miss him. Ann
Ann, I love the image of your going to see the wizard in Canada and beyond in 2017 while you and Titus could still travel. What a poignant reminder of his absence. I miss him too. I’m glad the Wizard was with you.
What a beautiful, slice-of-life blogpost. People’s experiences are unique, but they intersect in purposeful ways.
Well said, Greta. None of us in this encounter knew each other yet there were those moving intersections “in purposeful ways.”
They will need all their love, all their faith, and all their skills to navigate Alzheimer’s.
It is about the cruelest way I can think of to end a life — for the afflicted as well as for the family.