Marilyn and J. Carl Wolgemuth developed a friendship that led in due time to the day of their wedding, where standing before a pastor, their families, and a faith community they pledged faithfulness to each other no matter what the future might hold. Like most couples who are committed to following Christ, they must have hoped to build a strong, loving family in the years to ahead. However, lurking in the background that day was a secret that Carl had chosen not to reveal to Marilyn: He lived with a powerful attraction to men.

On one hand Carl’s choice to keep his secret is understandable since in 1955, the year they were married, no one in the church or in society was speaking openly about same-sex attraction. Young men caught in the bind Carl found himself in felt they had no option except to marry a woman, often with the hope that their attraction for men might thus be solved. Furthermore, there is little, if anything, that carries the burden of stigma and shame associated with same-sex attraction.

At the same time keeping his secret was destined to result in a complex marriage relationship he could not have foreseen or imagined. Eventually his secret could not be kept; it had to be faced within the marriage. For a wife to discover that the man she married would much prefer to be intimate with a man than with her is devastating to say the least. That discovery undermines her sense of self, her self confidence, her femininity, and her trust in her husband, leaving her with a host of questions and confusion and sometimes a slowly simmering anger.

On the surface the Wolgemuths maintained the appearance of a normal couple while internally both were deeply wounded. The relationship was stressed by separation, secrecy, and homosexual infidelity and repeated disappointments. They spent many sessions in marriage counseling, but despite all the effort, it seemed little changed. Yet they persevered because they considered the sacredness of their vows.

It is quite amazing that amid severe pain and chaos both Carl and Marilyn spent most of their lives in Christian ministry. Marilyn pursued her entire fifty-nine years as a nurse in various settings, including working in remote villages in Mexico where she, her husband, and their daughter worked among the Isthmus Aztec Indian ethnic group under Wycliffe Bible Translators. Following her years in Mexico, Marilyn spent fifteen years in psychiatric nursing in Texas and Kansas.

During their years of service in Mexico, Carl was not only a linguist/translator but also spent seven years at Wycliffe’s International Center where he became proficient in computer-assisted typesetting New Testaments. Carl completed a Master’s degree at age sixty-three and taught linguistics until his retirement.
The Wolgemth’s story is both tragedy and blessing, suffering and commitment, mercy and grace. It is one more example of the depths of God’s unchanging love for people who seek to follow him even though they sometimes have difficulty loving themselves or each other.

—Ann Showalter, Author, Touched by Grace: From Secrecy to New Life